July

Last day of July. And I can't even begin to describe my summer. I don't even know what to think of it. Did I change? Who knows. Come school, I'll still be the same. Doesn't matter. Then what does matter?

Next month will be hectic. Show choir dance camp for Silver Connection and driver's ed both start on Monday. I'm also applying for a job and getting ready for junior year. So much to do. I'm gonna go crazy.

The Marvelous Month of May

2.26.10

Secret Number 1: I don't think I'll ever "love" you. But I do like you, for now. You might have figured that out already. I'm a bad liar.

Secret Number 2: Number 1 isn't really a secret.

Secret Number 3: You have so many flaws and you hate them. So do I sometimes, especially when you try too hard to hide them. Do you really want to be perfect? You're already close enough.

Secret Number 4: There' someone better than you out there, but I don't have the patience to wait for them. You're all that I've got right now.

Secret Number 5:  I don't have any friends. Sometimes I think I never will. For now let's just say we're friends because I admire you and we get along, as far as I know. But I don't know anymore. We're not the same.

Secret Number 6: This isn't so much of a secret either. Because I would tell you every hateful thing I've ever wanted to say to you if I knew you'd understand. But I never am able to say what I want to say.

American Beauty.

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry, you will someday."